By: Laura Petix, MS OTR/LEPISODE 74

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In this episode, we’re talking about why it’s important to explain to your child how their brain and body communicate. We’re also breaking down exactly how to explain this connection to your child.


Why talk about the nervous system?

This is a lesson and conversation I’ve been helping a lot of my 1:1 clients have with their kids lately, and I realized it’s something I need to share with everyone. 


It’s a conversation about how exactly our brain and body are connected and communicate through the nervous system


First, let me share how we usually get to this point. 


In my 1:1 calls, I support parents who are looking for new ways to handle meltdowns, repeated cycles of dysregulating behavior. We talk about a lot of strategies and how to regulate their child at different times of the day, some parent hacks, some ways to adjust the environment–all great ways to try to create some change in their daily lives. 


But a lot of times those things don’t work, or their child gets tired of the strategies or doesn’t even want to try it. 


The missing piece

Usually after some digging, we come to the realization that there’s some misunderstanding or maybe not enough understanding at all on the child’s part of why they’re having a hard time. 


Because that’s the root of most of their behavior, right? –They’re having a hard time…our kids are not bad. Even though it can really feel like they are saying things and doing things intentionally to ruin our days, I promise you–that’s not the case. There is something going on for them that’s hard, and they are lacking a specific skill IN that moment to be able to act in a developmentally appropriate way.


(Because that’s also a huge piece right? A two-year-old crying and whining about wanting a cookie is pretty developmentally appropriate. So that’s also a huge part of my job: to make sure parents have realistic expectations, e.g., not expecting a 5’0 person like me to make a slam dunk. That’s just not going to happen 😅) 


So what we decide together then is that it’s time to have “the talk” with their child. Sometimes it’s the sensory cup talk, sometimes it’s the neurodiversity talk, but lately, I’ve been helping parents craft the nervous system/dysregulation talk, which is kind of a blend of both of those two other talks.


Before having this conversation with your kids, keep these things in mind: 

  1. Pick a time of day when you know your child is more willing to take in this information and hopefully, participate in the conversation and be engaged. I know for my daughter, she loves having these conversations during bath time, never on the way home from school, sometimes right before bed. 

  2. You know your child best: They may be totally into this stuff and you can bring visuals and go all in to it; You might have a kid who gets uncomfortable with these kinds of talks and you may need to split up the conversation in little chunks at a time, dropping little seeds here and there

  3. I had a very simple version of this conversation with my daughter when she was 4.5. Age doesn’t matter so much as the fact that you have a way to communicate with your child. 

  4. You’ll hear my version of the talk is mostly centered around fight or flight behaviors (ones you’d see when your child is really moody, irritable or having a meltdown). But you can have this conversation and focus more on behaviors like sensory seeking, but for this example, we’re thinking of explaining how the nervous system gets dysregulated around some common sensory sensitive or emotional regulation triggers

  5. Lastly, I’ll say that this kind of conversation and really any conversation about neurodiversity or sensory stuff is not like a check-off-the-list, one-and-done thing. It really is an ongoing conversation, and the language and concepts should be called out and applied as often as you can, so that’s it’s just normalized. That’s when you’ll really notice it helping.

How to talk to kids about their nervous system

OK with all that said, let me share with you how I explain the nervous system and the body-brain connection to kids.


Hey guess what? I learned some pretty cool things about our brains. It’s actually pretty cool, can I tell you about it? 

Wait, so I wonder… what do you already know about the brain? Do you know where it is? Do you know what it looks like? (You might show pictures here, or have them touch the part of their head where they’re brain is.)

Yes! That’s right! It’s right here. Do you know why we all have brains? Like, what does the brain do? (see what they respond with, or they might say nothing or I don’t know.) 

Our brains help us think about things, learn new things. It helps us talk, it helps us remember things and people and memorize our favorite songs. 

Did you know that our brain also helps our body move? It’s true! Every time your body moves and does something, it’s really your brain sending a message to your body to tell it how to move. 

You see, your brain (tap your head) and the rest of your body–like your arms, fingers, toes, nose, tongue–are actually all connected by these things called nerves. Nerves are basically like a bunch of wires that run throughout our body and is how our body and brain send messages to each other.

Here’s an example:

If I tell you right now to give me a high five, how would you do it? (Or you could say pick up that cup, or give me that piece of paper on the corner.)

(They do the action.)

WOAH! How exactly did you do that??? (They might laugh here or say “I don’t know, I just did it!”)

Your brain and body communicated with the wires!

First, you heard my voice tell you something right? Your ears (touch their ears or point to their ears) heard my instructions, and it took that sound and that message and delivered it up to your brain (through those wires I told you about).

Then, your brain listened to the message and said “Hey! We’ve got to tell the arm and the hand to stretch out and give that person a nice high-five! Not too hard, though, or you’ll hurt Mom!” 

Then, the brain took that message and sent it out to the muscles of your arm and hand and did that.

Did you know that’s how it works? It feels like it would take so long to send all those messages but it just happens SO FAST. (If they liked it, you can keep getting their engagement here by giving them other motor instructions. If you felt like one is enough, move on).

[This is also a good place to end the conversation if you’re losing your child’s interest and just pick back up here the next time- remember, having conversations in little increments can be better for some kids

OK, so now that you know that the brain helps you move your body when you tell it to… I want to share something even cooler than that, are you ready???

Your brain can sometimes make your body do things automatically without you even KNOWING or thinking about it. Did you know that?

OK, here’s an example. Right now, I see you blinking. I see you breathing. Are you blinking because I’m telling you to blink over and over again, like, “Blink! Blink! Blink!” or “Breathe! Breathe! Breathe!”?

No way! That would be sooo annoying to have to keep reminding our brain to do that. 

So those things our brain does automatically, because if we didn’t blink or if we didn’t breathe, it wouldn’t keep our body safe and healthy. And one of the most important jobs of our brains is to do that: to make sure our body is safe and healthy. So a lot of the time, the brain sends messages to our body to do things automatically (do you know what the word automatically means?)

Here’s another example. Let’s say I served you a nice hot bowl of soup (or some other food your child has experience with), and when you touched the bowl, you noticed it was still too hot

If you had to tell your brain to let go slowly, that would take too long and you might burn part of your finger. 

Instead, that feeling of heat on your skin sent an instant alert message to your brain and your brain said “AH! Danger! Move that hand out of the way ASAP!” And you pull your hand away super quick! The brain did that to protect you

(You could also use an example of either seeing a spider or some other critter that your child would run away from your hide or scream; something that would automatically illicit that fight/flight response.)

So your brain does things automatically to keep your body safe and healthy from things that it thinks are dangerous. Now here’s the kind of tricky part, and the part where you reallyyyy need to pay attention to because this is going to help you understand SO much about your brain– 

Sometimes your brain takes those signals from the body or around you and it THINKS it’s a danger signal, when really… it’s not dangerous. And then what happens is the brain sends out all these messages to the body to try to protect you.

(Now is when you insert some examples that are relevant to your child that sometimes trigger their fight or flight.

When someone gets in their personal space

When a sibling or peer is too loud

When the socks don’t feel good

When they get water on their face, etc.)

So we know that this is how our brains work, sending messages and receiving messages from the body, but all of our brains send and receive messages in different ways. Your brain notices things like sounds and touch to your skin more than my brain does and so that’s why it can be really hard for you at bath time and getting dressed in the morning. 

And even when you and I know that clothes are safe, it still doesn’t feel good to your body and brain and your brain makes you do things like throw the clothes and yell. I know you don’t mean to do that, and I want to help you send the message to your brain that it’s safe so it doesn’t make you do those things anymore. 

(This would be a good place to stop the conversation again if you have a kid who needs it broken up into chunks)

OK so, we know that your brain and body are connected by wires and that you can send messages back and forth to your brain and body so you can do things all day and stay safe right? And we know that sometimes your brain might not totally understand that your body is actually safe and it might do things like yell/throw/hit to keep you safe when it doesn’t need to do that. 

So how can we get the brain to stop those things and tell our brain “No brain–I’m safe. These socks feel uncomfortable right now, but I can move around or take them off calmly, I’m not in danger.” 

(See if your child offers ideas. Mostly they might say “You could talk to your brain.”) 

Yes, you COULD say, “Hey brain, don’t worry–I’m safe. Nothing’s going to happen to me.” But sometimes the brain won’t listen to words and it only listens to how your body feels

When your heart beats fast and your breath is fast, or when you’re too hot or you have a knot in your tummy–that’s what kind of tells your brain you’re in danger. So we have a magic way of communicating with our brain. When we take slow deep breaths, or when we give ourselves a tight hug or squeeze our hands together, it starts to send messages to the brain. 

Let’s work together to find some things that feel good to your body that make your body feel safe and calm so that we can try to send those messages to your brain when it needs it. 

(This is when you get their buy in to try some regulation strategies)


The main points

Your conversation may not sound exactly the same, but here are the main points to convey to your child:


Remember, the point of this conversation is to help your child realize that they aren’t a bad kidthat their nervous system just needs help with its communication and perception of some parts of their day.


We want them to see that their behavior is NOT their identity. We want them to know that we see that too, and we have ways to help them. We want them part of our team so they can explore sensory strategies with an open mind.


Most importantly, we want them to understand how their brain works and have the language to communicate this so they can self advocate whenever they need to.


A Kid’s Book About Neurodiversity

I have a great resource to continue this conversation: A Kid’s Book About Neurodiversity. I’m so proud to have put this book out into the world, not only for neurodivergent kids themselves but also for those who have the power to make whatever space they’re in more inclusive. It’s for kids 5+ and makes a great read-aloud for you and your child at home, with your child’s class, or as a gift for a teacher.


A deeper dive: Sensory Detectives

Now if you’re hearing this and you’re thinking, “Wow! That information was amazing! I didn’t know that!” or “That was such a great way of explaining it and I want to know more!” Or maybe you’re thinking, “Okay but what happens after that conversation, what kinds of sensory strategies can we explore?”


I. GOT. YOU.


Listen up, I need to tell you about my flagship 4-week bootcamp, called the Sensory Detectives Boot Camp where I’ll train you on everything you need to know about understanding dysregulation patterns and how to set up regulation patterns for your child.



What you’ll learn in the Sensory Detectives Boot Camp



For 4 weeks, you’ll get 5 live coaching calls (with live demonstrations of sensory strategies), and access to a private community where we’ll all be in there sharing things that worked, didn’t work, and supporting each other through it all. 


You’ll walk away with a toolbox full of sensory regulation strategies that will actually work for your child’s particular nervous system and the knowledge to adapt and modify it as their needs fluctuate. 


Honestly, you’ll also walk away from it with a whole new understanding of regulation in general, including how to notice your own dysregulation patterns and how to get in front of it.



Episode Links

EPISODE 74
How to Talk to Kids about their Nervous System
Speaker 1 (00:00): And we want them to see that their behavior is not their identity. We want them to know that we see that too and that we have ways to help them and that we want to help them. We want them part of our team so that they can come into exploring...

Speaker 1 (00:00): And we want them to see that their behavior is not their identity. We want them to know that we see that too and that we have ways to help them and that we want to help them. We want them part of our team so that they can come into exploring sensory strategies with an open mind. And most importantly, we want them to understand how their brain works and to have the language to communicate this so that they can self-advocate whenever they need to, when we won’t be there to do that for them. Welcome to the Sensory Wise Solutions podcast for parents where parents can get real actionable strategies to support kids with sensory processing disorder. I’m Laura OT and mom To Liliana, a sensory sensitive kid who inherited my anxiety and my love for all things Disney. Consider me your new OT mom, bestie. I know my stuff, but I also know what it’s really like in the trenches of parenting a child with sensory processing disorder. Speaker 2 (01:04): Okay, mom, enough about me. Let’s start the podcast. Speaker 1 (01:10): Hello. Hello everyone. Today’s episode is one where I’m going to share with you an example of a foundational lesson or conversation or discussion that might really be the missing piece for some of you working through cycles of dysregulation and meltdowns and emotional regulation with your kids. So I’ve been helping a lot of my one-on-one clients lately have this conversation and it keeps coming up as the missing piece, so I thought that other people might need to hear it or benefit from hearing it as well. So really it’s a conversation about how our brain and body are connected and how it communicates with the nervous system. So let me back up a little bit and share exactly how I got to this point or why it became apparent that this was the missing piece for some of these families. So in my one-on-one calls, I support parents who are looking for new ways to not new ways or maybe just better ways or different ways to handle meltdowns or repeated cycles of dysregulating behavior. (02:29)So something that their kid keeps doing, the kid keeps pulling their sibling’s hair. We keep having issues in the morning, and yes, we spend a lot of time talking about strategies like actual hacks and tips and tricks and ways to regulate their child at different times of the days. (03:38)They’re having a hard time that is the root of most, if not all of our kids’ behaviors. They’re having a hard time. Our kids’ behavior is not inherently bad, even though it can really, really feel like they’re saying or doing things intentionally to push our buttons to ruin our days. I promise you it’s not the case. There is something going on for them that’s hard and they’re lacking a specific skill in that moment to be able to act in a developmentally appropriate way because that’s also a huge piece. A two-year-old crying and whining about wanting a cookie is pretty developmentally appropriate. So that’s also a huge part of my job is making sure parents have realistic expectations. I don’t really have many tips or tricks to get your two year old to stop whining because that’s the way that two year olds express things that they need and want at that time. (04:36)Just like I am five feet tall, I can never expect myself to be able to make a slam dunk in a regular NBA height hoop. Like that’s never going to happen. You would have to decrease the hoop or give me one of those really bouncy trampolines. Same thing. We can’t expect certain things of some kids at their developmental age. So all of that is part of the conversation and my assessment of where the family is. And then from there, a lot of the conversation has led us to this idea or this notion that I think your child might not totally understand why they’re having a hard time. And so when they don’t understand why they’re having a hard time, then they might think they’re a bad kid or they might not really buy into some of the strategies that we’re trying to offer them. So then we decide it’s time to have the talk with your kid. (05:31)Sometimes it’s the sensory cup talk, which I’ve done in episode about, I will put the link to that in the show notes. Sometimes it’s just a general neurodiversity talk. You have a different brain period and you can leave it as simple as that. We all have different brains. We all learn differently, communicate differently, play differently. You can leave it as simple as that, especially for young kids. But lately I’ve been kind of blending the two of those talks together and diving deeper and helping parents have this nervous system slash dysregulation talk, which again is kind of blending the sensory cup talk and the neurodiversity talk. Again, I’ll put notes to both of those in the show notes in case you want to check out those other, the sensory cup talk and the neurodiversity talk. But before I share my example of this of conversation, I have a few points for you to consider and keep in mind. (06:23)So first, when to have this conversation. Pick a time of day when your child is more willing to take in this information and hopefully actually participate in parts of the conversation, which you’ll hear it later so that they’re more engaged. So I know for my daughter, the best time to talk to her is usually right before bed or during bath time. I know for sure never on the car ride home from school or from some other birthday party or S or over stimulating event, your kids’ time and place to talk about it. The second point is your child best and how they take in this information, how they communicate best, how they learn best. Maybe they’re really into visuals, so you’re going to have a bunch of pictures printed out. Maybe they like actual 3D models of some of the anatomy in the brain that we’re going to talk about. (07:15)Maybe you have a kid who gets uncomfortable with these kinds of talks. And so you need to strategically think about how you will split up this conversation into multiple chunks, dropping little seeds here and there. And I’m going to give you, within my example conversation later, I’m going to give you exact times where it would be a good time to kind of break the conversation. The third thing to keep in mind is I had this conversation the very first time I started talking about this with my daughter. She was about four and a half, and that was about the youngest. I would say to start this conversation, you can definitely and still should listen to this conversation and see if there’s parts of it you can pick out that you know can simplify for your child or just stick to the more concrete things like talking about their experiences with sensory and how it makes their brain uncomfortable and do certain behaviors. (08:15)My point is have these conversations with your kids. It’s going to fill in a lot of gaps. And I will say the older they get, this conversation can get deeper and deeper. And that leads into my next point, which is that this conversation is not like a check off the list done did it. Never have to do it again. It’s a conversation that needs to be ongoing and the language and the concepts really should be called out and applied as often as you can and not just to your child model, what that sounds like and what that looks like for your brain and your partner’s brain and siblings. And if you’re watching a movie and you see something happen, you can call that out. You want it to be really normalized and just part of everyday language because that’s when you’re going to notice it really helping a lot. (09:06)And then the last thing I’ll say is this is a general idea or flow of the conversation that I would suggest you’re going to want to change wording and examples as it fits best for your child. I am using a version of this talk that’s mostly centered around fight or flight behaviors. Ones that you’d see when your child is hitting, kicking, screaming, having a really big meltdown or big emotional reaction. You can change this conversation up and put more examples of maybe sensory seeking behavior or other things that are coming up that are still very much related to the nervous system and dysregulation, which is directly linked to the behavior that we’re seeing. Okay, so with all that in mind, I’m going to share with you an example of how I explain the nervous system and the body brain connection to kids. So I’m going to have some of my really cool teacher voice on to get kids engaged. (10:04)So my voice is going to change into a captivating voice as best as I can. And then I’m going to try to pull off to the side to insert my little narratives to give you extra little tidbits within it. Okay, so, so I would start out by saying this, Hey, guess what? I learned some pretty cool things about our brains and it’s actually really, really fascinating. Can I tell you about it? And then I would wait for them to look or say, yeah, sounds good. And then I would stop and say, wait, wait. Before I tell you, I just want to know what do you already know about the brain? And you might pause there and see if they answer. And if they don’t answer, you could fill it in and say, well, do you even know where your brain is? Where in your body is it? (10:52)Maybe they point to their head, maybe they point to your head. And then you could ask, do you know what it looks like? Have you ever seen a brain before? And this is where you might pull up a picture of a brain on your phone or you have one printed out, or they’re just touching the part on your head or their head and you can explain what it looks like. And then you would say, yeah, that’s right. That’s where your brain is. Or This is what the brain looks like. Now. Do you know why we all have brains? What is it that the brain does exactly? Again, leaving space for them to respond. Or maybe they say, I don’t know, maybe this is still too early in the conversation and they’re not really joining in, but you could still ask asking questions to invite them to the conversation. (11:35)So what does the brain do? And then see what they answer. And then you would say, our brains help us think about things and it helps us learn new things. It helps us talk, it helps us remember things, and it helps us know and memorize things like our favorite songs, like that song that you sing over and over again, and you might sing a part of their chorus again, making it very relevant to them and getting them wanting to participate and engage. Then I would say, did you know that her brain also helps our body move? It’s true. It really is true. See, if they’re like, what? No way. And then you say, every time your body moves and does something, it’s really your brain pushing all these messages and sending a message down to your body to tell it how to move, and then still checking in, seeing if their eyes aren’t looking or if they’re really interested. (12:34)And then you keep going and you say, okay, so your brain and you’re tapping your head where the brain is, your brain and the rest of your body, your arms, your fingers, your toes, your nose, your tongue, they’re all connected to your brain by these things called nerves. And it’s basically a bunch of wires that run throughout your body, and it’s how our body and brains send messages to each other. So this is where you would maybe show a visual, again, maybe there’s a visual of the anatomy of the nervous system and show them how the wires go from the brain down the brainstem, the spinal cord all through parts of the body. And then so you’d say, watch, check this out. And you would say, if I told you right now, give me a high five, how would you do that? Or Give me a high five. (13:22)You’re just giving them an instruction and then I assume they would give you a high five, or you could do any other action. If I told you to pick up that red pencil right now, how would you do that? And they would do it right? Just give ’em a very simple action to do right then and there. So then I assume they do the action and then you go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. How did you do that? So you do it in a way that hopefully would elicit a laugh or they’re like, I don’t know, I I did it. I came down, I did it. And then you say, yeah, your brain and your body communicated by using those wires and it made it happen. First you heard my voice tell you something, your ears, and then you would touch their ears or gesture to their ears, your ears heard my instructions from my voice, and then your ears took that sound and sent that message and delivered it up into your brain and you’re pointing up to your head again. (14:23)It did that through those wires that I told you about. And then your brain listened to the message and it said, Hey, we got to tell the arm in the hand to stretch out and give mom a nice high five, but not too hard, or you’re going to hurt mom or you know, would insert whatever action that they did. Then the brain took that message and sent it out to the muscles of your arm and hand, and it gave me a high five. Did you know that that’s how it works? Isn’t that so cool? But it really feels, so I would let them pause and say, yeah, that’s so cool, really, or go with the flow of what they’re giving you. But then you would say, it feels like it would take so long to send all those message, but it actually happens so fast. (15:08)Let’s try it again. So then you’d give them another example. So if I told you to put your finger on your knee, how would you do that? Just again, another example of how they would take an instruction and make a motor response. If you feel like one, that one example is enough, then move on. Also, this is a good place to end the conversation if you’re losing your child’s interest and you can just pick it back up here next time. So having these conversations and little increments can be better for some kids. So if this is the time where they’re like, okay, I get it, and they’re like distracted or not really into it, I would kind of take that cue and move on. So you’ve, you’ve set the stage a little bit that the brain and sends messages to the body, period. But if you’re continuing with the conversation or you pick this up next time, here’s where you would go next. (16:01)You would say, okay, so we remember when I told you that the brain helps you move your body. When you tell it to when you want to do something, you send that message to your brain, then your brain sends a message to your body. I’m going to share you some, share something with you that’s even cooler than that. Are you ready? And you wait for them to gesture or facial expression that they’re ready? Then I would say your brain can sometimes make your body do things automatically without you even knowing or thinking about it. Did you know that? And then you might even say, do you know what the word automatically means? Making sure that they understand all of these words. Then I would say, here’s an example. Right now you’re right next to me and I can see you blinking and I can see you breathing. (16:51)Now are you blinking because I’m telling you to blink over and over again like blink, blink, blink or breathe, breathe, breathe. No way. That would be so annoying to have to keep reminding our brain to do that, right? Could you imagine? And hopefully at this point, maybe your kid is laughing or giving you some sort of buy-in that they’re into the conversation still. So those things are things that our brain does automatically because if we didn’t blink and if we didn’t breathe, our body wouldn’t be safe and healthy. And one of the most important jobs of our brains is to do that, is to make sure that our body is safe and healthy. So a lot of the time the brain is sending messages to our body to make it do things automatically. And this, it happens inside of our body and it makes our body move a certain way, but our brain and body are communicating with each other without us even knowing. (17:54)So here’s another example. Are you ready again, making sure they’re listening. Okay. So let’s pretend like right now I gave you this nice hot piping, hot bowl of soup, or you could say, or a cup of hot chocolate, something that they’re going to resonate with. And then when you touched it, you noticed it was still too hot to grab. So you let go of your hand, you go, ah, it’s hot. And you pull your hand back super fast. If you had to tell your brain to say, Hey, brain, this is hot. I’m going to let go now. And it took that long and slow for you to let go of the bowl or the cup. What do you think is going to happen to your hand or your fingers? And hopefully they would say, that would hurt. You would say, yeah, if it took too long for your hand to let go, it might burn your finger and that wouldn’t be safe. So instead, that feeling of heat on your skin sent an instant alert message to your brain and your brain said, ah, danger, danger. Move that hand out of the way as soon as possible, and it made you pull your hand away super quick. You didn’t even have to think about it. The brain did that to protect you. (19:07)If they liked that example or they’re into it, you give them more examples of seeing a spider or something else that would elicit a true quick automatic fight or flight response, something that they could not control having to run away from a spider or scream really hard if something, a bear came out of nowhere. Just something to get them to resonate with this conversation of the idea that your brain does things automatically to protect you. So your brain does things automatically to keep your body safe and healthy from things that it thinks are dangerous. Now, here’s the kind of tricky part where you really need to pay attention because this is going to help you really understand so much about your brain. Are you ready? And then again, make sure they’re ready. Sometimes your brain takes those signals from the body, like I said, words that you hear people say, or feelings from the environment or things that you see, and it takes those signals and sends it to the brain. (20:14)And your brain sometimes thinks it’s a dangerous signal when really it’s actually not dangerous. But then what happens is then the brain sends out one of those automatic messages to the body to try to protect you, and that’s when you start doing things. And then that’s when you would the parent or whoever’s having this conversation would insert some very concrete behaviors that your child would resonate with that they know of. So this is where you insert the examples when your sister gets in your space and she gets too close and push her. Or when someone next to you is being too loud and you scream at them, or when the sock on your foot doesn’t feel good, and you throw it off and kick and scream and cry and hit the floor because it doesn’t feel good. Or when we’re washing your hair and the feeling of tipping your head back doesn’t feel good, giving them very specific examples and the behavior that happens. So we give that example and we say, so we know that this is how our brains work. It sends messages and it receives messages from the body, but all of our brains send and receive messages in different ways. So your brain notices those things like socks on your feet not feeling good, or the sounds and touch to your skin may be feeling a little bit more uncomfortable than my brain does. So that’s why it can be really hard for you at bath time or on the playground. Again, very relevant examples. (21:50)And then I would say, and even when you and I know that clothes are safe, or your example, even though you and I know that bath time is safe, or whatever the example is, it’s still not feeling good to your body and brain, and then your brain makes you do things like throw the clothes and yell at mommy. I know you don’t mean to do that, and I want to help you send a message back to your brain to let it know that your body’s safe, so it doesn’t make you do those things anymore. And I would pause there. This is where you’re inviting them to learn more. Does that sound good to you? This would also be a good place to stop the conversation again, if you have a kid who needs it broken up into chunks. But if we’re continuing the conversation, there’s some kids who will sit through this whole thing, they’re very captivated, they’re into it. (22:39)I could probably have this conversation from start to finish with Liliana because she loves talking about this stuff. So we’re continuing on the conversation whether on another day or in the same time, and we’d say, okay, so wait, let me go back and remind myself. So we know that your brain and body are connected by what? And then hopefully they’re like by wires, right? Yes. And you can send messages back and forth from your brain and body so that you can do things all day and stay safe, right? Okay. And see your kid saying like, okay, yes. And we also know that sometimes your brain might not totally understand that your body is actually safe, and it might do things like yell or throw or hit to keep you safe when it doesn’t need to do that. So again, we’re summarizing it for them and saying, are you with us? (23:30)So how can we get the brain to stop those things that it’s doing and tell our brain, no brain, I’m already safe. These socks feel uncomfortable, but I can move around or take them off calmly am not in danger. How can we get that message to our brain? I don’t know. And you kind of sit and wait and see if your child can offer ideas. Again, we want them to engage with us and be part of the conversation. They might say something like, well, I could just tell my brain those words. You could say those words. And as parents I would say, yeah, this is actually a very good healthy coping mechanism, self-talk to tell your brain just to remind yourself that you’re safe. But we know that a lot of the time in the moment, they can’t even access those words. We want to give them other options. (24:19)So we might say, yes, you could tell your brain, Hey, brain, don’t worry. I’m safe. Nothing’s going to happen to me. But sometimes the brain isn’t going to listen to your words and it only will listen to things that your body feels and does. So when he beat’s really, really fast, when you’re scared and you could feel your heartbeat pounding so fast, and maybe sometimes you can’t catch your breath because you’re scared or worried, or maybe when you’re so super hot or you have that feeling in your tummy, you’re going to kind of call out some of the physiological signs that your child might feel right? Then you say those kinds of feelings in your body is sometimes what tells your brain that you’re in danger. So we have a really cool magic way to communicate with our brain without even using words. So whenever we take slow deep breaths just like that, or when we give ourselves a tight hug or we squeeze our hands together, it starts to make your heartbeat slower. (25:27)It starts to make your breath slower, and those feelings and those things send messages to your brain that say, Hey, actually our body feels pretty good and safe and calm, so maybe we don’t need to send that message to the body to run and scream and kick and hurt someone. So now I want to work with you together so that we can maybe find some things and make a list of things that feel good to your body, that make your body feel safe and calm so that we can remember to do those to communicate with the brain when it needs it most. What do you think? And this is sort of the end of the conversation, but the invitation for them to come with you on this exploration journey of figuring out the best sensory regulation strategies for them, because this is what’s now, you guys are both on the same page here. (26:22)We understand that there is something dysregulating to your child’s nervous system, and we have some strategies, but we need your kids. So that’s the end of this big concept and this big lesson, I hope that it’s helpful, and your conversation may not sound the exact same, but again, here’s the main takeaway points that you want to make sure you convey to your child in whichever way, whichever language that you think would resonate with your child, you want to convey that your brain and body are connected by wires, and it’s called nerves, and they communicate all day long to help you do things at school and at home and to keep you safe. We also want to convey that all brains are wired differently, which is what makes people feel differently and act differently and learn differently. And sometimes each person’s brain labels things differently. What’s important to maybe run away from or protect them from? (27:15)And we want to reiterate that the brain’s main job is to keep our body’s safe and healthy, and it will control parts of your body to make sure that that happens, and that’s a good thing. But sometimes it does this at the wrong time and in the wrong ways, and it makes our body actually be even more unsafe, like when we hit other people or we use unkind words or we are hitting or hurting our own bodies. And then the last thing is we want to make sure that they know that we can take control of our body by communicating with our brain and sending messages that our body is safe and calm by doing things like breathing heavy work, deep pressure squeezes, all of that. So remember that the point of this conversation is really to help your child understand and know inherently that they are not the definition, they are not their behaviors. (28:09)They aren’t a bad kid, that their nervous system just needs help with the communication and the perception of some parts of their day, and we want them to see that their behavior is not their identity. We want them to know that we see that too, and that we have ways to help them, that we want to help them. We want them part of our team so that they can come into exploring sensory strategies with an open mind. And most importantly, we want them to understand how their brain works and to have the language to communicate this so that they can self-advocate whenever they need to, when we won’t be there to do that for them. So now, if you’re hearing this and you’re like, wow, that information was amazing. I didn’t know that, or This was such a great way of explaining it, I want to know more. (29:00)Or maybe you’re like, okay, but like what’s going to happen after that conversation? How do I take it to the next level and explore sensory strategies with them? I got you. I am very excited to finally announce that for the first time ever, I’m hosting a never Before offered three week bootcamp called the Sensory Detectives Bootcamp, where I’m going to train you through live trainings on everything you need to know about understanding dysregulation patterns, and how to set up more regulation patterns for your child using sensory strategies. I’m going to do live trainings on the vestibular system, the tactile system, the proprioception, how to actually use these strategies at home or in the classroom or in the clinic. So this training and this bootcamp is going to be offered for everybody who works with or supports a child with a dysregulated nervous system. So you’re going to learn how to recognize dysregulation in your child beyond some of the obvious signs. (30:04)Of course, you’re going to learn how the nervous system works, which is probably also going to help you understand some of your own moods and your own behaviors. We can all benefit from that. You’re also going to learn how to properly identify your child’s regulation and dysregulation, cycles and patterns. I’m going to give you all the need to knows about the vestibular, tactile, and proprioception systems and give you lots of live demonstrations of calming activities and strategies to try it with your child. And of course, more examples just like today of how to talk to your child about this stuff so that they can be on board and part of the team. So for three weeks, you’ll get five live coaching calls with live demonstrations of the sensory strategies and access to a private community where we’ll all be in there sharing things that work didn’t work, supporting each other, holding each other accountable, all of it. (30:58)And at the end of the three weeks, you’re going to walk away with a toolbox full of sensory regulation strategies that are going to actually work for your child’s particular nervous system and the knowledge to adapt and modify it as their needs fluctuate and their interests fluctuate. Because one thing that you try today, they might be bored of tomorrow. Honestly, I think you’re going to also walk away from it with a whole new understanding of regulation in general, including how to notice your own dysregulation patterns and how to get in front of it. So I have even better news than the fact that that is being offered soon as three week bootcamp. But even better than that is that the first training is completely free, including a week of access to that private community. So you can really get a feel for what the bootcamp will look like and decide if you want to invest in the bootcamp. (31:50)So the first training is free, and it’s called Detecting Dysregulation, and it’s going to really expand on this conversation that I shared with you how the nervous system communicates, but it’s going to be a little bit more on the adult level, but still nothing too intricate or theory-based or scientific. It’s going to be easy to understand, easy to digest. It’ll be a free training on May 6th at 5:00 PM Pacific Standard Time, 8:00 PM Eastern, and you can register@vootbutterfly.com slash training. So again, free first training, free first week in the private community, and then if you decide that you want to join the bootcamp and you want to continue learning more and really focus on the actual regulation strategies and how to apply that at home or in the classroom, then you can join the three week bootcamp. And the first day of that bootcamp is going to be on May 12th. So stay tuned on my email list on social media here on the podcast, I’m going to be sharing more details, but your first go-to step, if you know want this information, is to head to the ot butterfly.com/training and sign up for that free training. Again, that is on May 6th, 5:00 PM Pacific Standard Time. I hope to see you all there, and I hope that this episode was helpful for you. (33:14)If you enjoyed this podcast, please consider rating it and leaving a review, which helps other parents find me as well, want to learn more from me. I share tons more over on Instagram at the OT Butterfly. See you next time.

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Laura Petix, MS OTR/L

I’m an enneagram 6, so my brain is constantly moving. My OT lenses never turn off and I can’t “un-see” the sensory and other developmental skills that go in to literally every activity. I love taking what I see and breaking it down into simple terms so parents can understand what goes into their child’s behavior and skills.

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